Train your Brain to Think like a Thin Person... Step 1

My Advantages to losing weight and eating a healthy, balanced diet.

I’ll be in better health

I’ll be able to exercise without discomfort

I’ll live longer

I’ll have more energy

I’ll be more physically fit

I’ll like myself more

I’ll feel more in control

I’ll be less self-critical

I’ll be able to run again

I’ll fit into my hobby clothes

I’ll be an example to my TNT runners

I’ll feel more outgoing

I’ll have more confidence

I’ll be able to wear MY smaller clothes

I’ll be more attractive to others

I’ll be more comfortable in my office chair

I’ll feel better when introduced as a professional Architect

I’ll be eager to join in professional groups

I’ll be able to go ‘shopping’ in my own closet

I've been reading The Beck Diet Solution - Train your Brain to think like a thin person, by Judith Beck, PH.D. about using Cognitive Therapy to get myself back on track to learn how to eat for the rest of my life....

The list above is my Advantage Response Card that I carry with me and read twice a day.  Here is to learning how to teach my brain how to do it right this time!

Yummers!

After a great, wonderfully inspiring weight watchers meeting I came home and made a quick dinner.  Already cooked shrimp (with some lemon pepper marinade), left over rice from dinner last night and veggies that I cut up earlier in the week (zucchini two kinds of summer squash). All thrown on the BBQ and ready in 15 min or less!!!!  Yummy!!!! 

Goals....

On April 17, 2008 I wrote this as my memoir:

“Determined to succeed at my goals”


It was days after my first marathon and my 30th birthday.   I now go back to those words and that race report.     I am determined to succeed at my goals!  And in the past five years I have succeeded at so much that sometimes I forget to stop and give myself some credit.  In the past five years I have conquered & survived cancer, my dog has conquered cancer, I have moved away from a marriage that wasn't right, I have purchased my very own home, I have passed 6 of the 7 exams to become an Architect, I have found the love of my life, I have nurtured friendships, I have excelled at my career,  I am now coaching runners, I have completed 25 full marathons, I have kept my smile, I have kept my goals in front of me.   I will continue to be determined to succeed at my goals.  Come along on my journey.

busy, busy, little bee

Whew – it’s been a crazy handful of days since my last post… I made it through the epidural steroid shot (10 days ago) and have felt some relief (don’t worry, I’ve been tracking in my little book to review with the doctor in 30 days).  I walked 2.6 miles last Saturday while I was coaching with Team in Training.  I felt pretty good.  My doctors’ orders were to do what felt comfortable as far as walking goes, only use machines at the gym, NO running, and taking it easy.  I haven’t made it to the gym – I don’t want to give excuses….  I need to get there, just walk in the door, no expectations, just walk in the door…. So when can I commit to going?  I WILL go to the gym on Saturday after TnT – a nice easy, relaxed workout, no pressure.   I did walk through the Farmer’s market at work today – two Thursday’s ago I could get there because of the pain.  I need to remember that these little walks are the positives that I was looking for – it’s not going to all come back right away.  I see the doctor again on the 30^th and hopefully he releases me to start slowly running to see how it feels, my fingers are crossed! 

I have been sporadically logging my food in my paper weight watchers tracker.  I didn’t find anyone on the local weight watchers FB page to review my log which felt a bit deflating (I guess I was expecting a ton of people to be in the same place and offer up their help).  There is someone who offered to review my food log over the weekend so as bad as it is right now I will still share.  If nothing else I have been eating normal meals, decent snacks and no crazy ‘treats’.  Well, we did have Brown Bear frozen yogurt last night, but I got the low-fat version and not a lot of crazy toppings.   It’s been better than a bad week, not a stellar week, but better than I was doing.  It’s really hard when I always strive for perfection to let myself have some wiggle room.  I’ve heard it before but this is worth repeating – this not a diet it’s a live-it!  I will go to my weight watchers meeting tomorrow night and weigh-in.  The number on the scale is not important this week, for me getting into the meeting and getting back into the routine is what I’m striving for.

Since my back was giving me so much pain I asked around and found a young man who was willing to help me out and mow my lawn.  I learned to ‘run’ in the Y-Run Club in Puyallup and his dad is a runner with us.  It feels so good to come home to a freshly mowed lawn.  I felt guilty at first but now I know I’m helping him as much as he is helping me and hey he’s making some summer money and learning how to have a part time job.  Plus he got jobs from two of the neighbors when he was here on Sunday!!! Anyway, even though I’m feeling better and I could do it on my own I’m going to keep having him come, at least until school starts.  I need to heal and make sure that I keep myself strong, plus I can do the ‘fun’ stuff because I’m not so tired from doing the manual labor part.  Look at me trying to justify it – I’m paying for a service and it’s worth the $11/hr!  No one is judging!

And in other news my lovely little Subaru has been having some serious mechanical issues.  Like $4,000 repair issues! YIKES!  So I’ve been weighing the cost to do the repairs or get a different used car – a stresser for sure.  In the meantime I’ve been driving around smelling like burning oil, leaving oil slicks and praying that my timing belt didn’t snap… Buying a new house just six months ago I was worried about having to go out and get another big ticket loan (plus I worry about money all the time since I’m my own breadwinner).  Anyway Cooper came with me on Saturday and we did some test driving to get me started.  It was so very helpful to have him help me get my feet wet and just ‘be there’ while I talked to the salespeople.  I worked at a car dealership in college and I’ve negotiated three car deals in my past but it’s never easy.  Anyway – long story short I sold the Subaru to a place that has two shops, one that repairs Subaru’s and the other that sells them.  They had looked at my car in early June and know the amount of work it needs – I got a very reasonable price from them and I feel good that Miss Subbie will go to someone who is looking for her and not just a wholesale junker land.  I took my money to Lakewood Ford and bought myself a used Hyundai SUV.  It’s a bit of an upgrade from the subbie but it’s a great car and has low miles.  When I get back to running its going to be a great race vehicle and it’s even AWD so I can get up to the mountains in the winter for snow shoeing!   Buying a car is never easy but I can honestly say that this was an easy experience.  I was treated with respect and I was able to negotiate a good price and get a loan all on my own. Talk about feeling empowered!  Darby dog went for her first ride tonight and she’s got a ton of space to enjoy now. 

Gheez,I can go on and on but really I need to prepare for FRIDAY!!! And get my rear to bed – sleep is important both for my weight loss efforts and for my back recovery.

This weekend is a busy one; a long Team in Training Saturday practice with a strength clinic at a Physical therapist, workout at the gym, tapas and wine with Cooper at his friends house, Coaching at the See Jane Run event in Seattle, going to show my Dad my new car and design & drafting of a custom residence for a side client – yep, that’s a busy weekend and I love it!!!

Time to get back on board....

Where do I start – life has sure been challenging, rewarding, amazing, hard and well…. it’s been L-I-F-E. I’ll share about what has been going on as it has all been having an effect on where I am now and why I’ve started writing again. My wonderful best friend said to me earlier today in a doctor’s office waiting room “you’re whole life looks like it’s in that notebook – writing it all down helps you keep it straight doesn't it?!” or something like that – it hit me – when life is spiraling out of control I tend to write it down – so I can remember what’s going on and so I can look back at it when I don’t remember what medicine I’ve taken or when my MRI was or which doctor I saw last week. I write it down so that I can feel some control over what has been some very unsettling time for me. During my therapy session today I talked about how my eating has become purely emotional and that I have been eating – “because I just want to, or because I deserve it” (in the best teenage girl defiant voice ever). So the plan I (we) came up with is to go to Weight Watchers and find someone – a fellow member or my leader to work with one on one so that I can get my head back in the game. I reached out to the WW facebook group today to see if someone will look over my food tracker at the Friday Meeting – then I know my food journal will be looked at then hopefully I’ll keep writing in it for more than a day (I tend to do good for a day or two – sometimes even a whole week and then I drop off the map). So that’s the plan to try and get my eating from out of control back to eating to be healthy.  Even if I can't exercise I can at least control what goes in my mouth.  My therapist also made a great statement - the doctors are doing their best to help me get better - they are putting tools in the box - what am I going to put in the box to help myself?  So I've got to do my part - I'm going to get back on board and help myself.


A bit of back story
Some of my eating/health/weight issues are stemming from the fact that I am having a very hard time exercising – due to a herniated disk in my lower back and degenerative disk disease in my lowest lumbar region. Sounds scary and it is. It’s been since March 12th that I went to my first chiropractic appointment – it’s been a whirlwind since – doctors, chiropractors, physical therapist, family doctor, three surgeons, therapist…. To figure out how to fix this… today I got an epidural steroid shot in my lumbar region – a last gasp to try and avoid surgery and help the pain so that I can try and get moving again.  So far all I feel is the continued numbness in my left foot, tigling in my calf and some numbness in the back of my thigh. I can only walk a block and then a horrible shooting pain goes up my leg into a tight spot in my buttock. Standing upright is almost impossible and it just plain always hurts.  I had my fingers crossed during the whole injection, hoping that it helps relieve some of the pain so that I can at least start walking again - if I can't run for a bit thats ok - I just want to be able to walk - please, just a nice walk....

This is just the tip of the iceberg and there is so much to tell, to work through and to get figured out but I had to start somewhere – here is to taking the first step in the right direction.
~Jess

the difference between giving up and moving on....

I just need to get this stuff out… I’ve been reading a variety of books lately and decided to pull tidbits from each one – they all speak to where I’m at right now…..
There is a huge difference between giving up and moving on. Moving on doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are some things that cannot be. Moving on can mean that you’re making a choice to be happy rather than hurt. For some folks, good situations last a lifetime, but for many, not knowing when to move on can hold them back forever.
I’ve used the above quote before – it helps me know that it’s ok to move on…

Make Your Own Decisions

Have you ever felt so depressed that it seemed impossible to decide on anything, even something as simple as what to have for dinner? Depression takes away your ability to make decisions. Due to chemical changes that take place in your brain when you’re depressed, decisions you can normally make without thinking twice can become Herculean tasks. You can often feel panicked, afraid, and worried simply because of the fact that you have to make a decision. Considering how many decisions you have to make in a day, not being able to make even the simplest of decisions is a real problem.

You Versus Your Brain

When you’re depressed and have to make a choice about something, there’s a good chance that your brain will put up a fight. It’s as though your brain is always trying to negotiate for something different from what you want to do. You might struggle with making a decision so much that you wind up confused and tired – and with nothing decided at all. And while you’re going through all that, you might miss many positive opportunities to get out and feel better.

Plus, depression can create strong feelings of guilt over what decision you eventually make. This guilt can make you very uncomfortable because you think that either someone is going to get hurt or something is going to be missed as a result of your decision. This feeling can be so stressful you may feel it’s easier not to make decisions at all. Unfortunately this route simply leads back to more depression for not having made a decision.

But you can make your own decisions when you’re depressed. Ask yourself what decision you would make if you weren’t depressed. If that’s not possible, override the pointless back-and-forth with our brain by making a decision, whether or not you like the decision, and then move forward. You might then have to deal with the voice of the depression telling you you’ve made the wrong choice, but that’s easier to deal with than the sense of uselessness that can come from not making a decision at all.

*Depression tells me I made the wrong decision, but I didn’t. I made a choice, and it’s my own.  

Here is a great realization…

“It’s so different to be on a date with someone and to actually be paying attention to whether I like him, whether I’m having a good time, whether I think he’s a nice person. I never thought about these things before. I was always trying so hard to make whoever I was with like me, to make sure he had a good time with me and thought I was nice. You know, after a date I never thought about whether I wanted to see the person again. I was too busy wondering if he liked me enough to call me for another date. I had it all backward!”

Another measure of great love is the willingness to look honestly at oneself in order to promote growth of the relationship and the deepening of intimacy. Associated with real love are feelings of serenity, security, devotion, understanding, companionship, mutual support and comfort….

Yeah, I’m not feeling it anymore…

Some quotes from the boyfriend today:

•  Marriage, how to you feel about it? Do you see that as a possibility for us? (over the phone, really???)
• Looked at some shiny stuff at Ben Bridge today, but don’t worry, I won’t show up with a ring tomorrow…. (WHAT, when did I ever say I wanted marriage, I just ended one!)
• I just love you (to make the 10 calls, 15 texts and 4 voicemails seem ok).
• Want to head in the same direction
• I want to spend my life with you
• Call me before you go to bed (it’s 9pm now)

I’m feeling very smothered right now. I feel very guilty for wanting to put myself first - I shouln't feel that way!!. I have worked since my junior year in high school to become an Architect – I will do it and don’t get in my way…. Sorry if that sounds self-centered but I have a lot of people in my life that somehow understand and support me and push me down the road (thanks friends).

I know I may be considered a crazy dog lady, but taking care of Darby right now is very important to me, don’t belittle that (she' my "baggage" and I'm proud to have her, so with me comes her). She has helped me through cancer and divorce and many other struggles the past few years and dang it if I’m not going to help her now – don’t make me feel guilty for it.

Whew, I needed to get that out – it’s definitely not directed at any of you that read this. Sometimes it’s hard when you know that the other person loves you with all their heart and you can’t reciprocate…. I have to end it though, my heart’s not in it. I don’t see marriage for us, I don’t feel mutual support, comfort, security, understanding… I also know that he will not take this well – I’m expecting a ‘crazy-stalker’ response and as much as I don’t want to hurt him I think letting it go longer will just make it worse. I’m taking my own advice and making a decision and keeping it.

On the running front – I haven’t run since the fourth of july. I did something to my lower back and it’s been bugging me ever since. Stress and sitting on my rear to study isn’t helping – so I’m taking the time to heal, stretch and use the giant balance ball. Though all I want to do is go for a really long run with my Darby dog and friends for a long morning!

Tomorrow is a new day!

not sure how to credit the books but here is what I was referencing:

Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

Get It Done When You're Depressed by Julie Fast and John Preston

Website - Marc & Angel Hack Life

glass is half empty... nope MY glass is half FULL

is the Glass half emtpy.....



Lower Back hurts/aches


Don’t like to sit in my office chair


Lack of motivation


Likes to sleep, but it’s too much


Can’t wake up to an alarm no matter how much I try


Took an evening nap then went to bed


Darby needs her walks but I’m not taking her


Broke/poor/NO money


Big rewards seem too far away


Don’t want to grocery shop cause it costs money


Can’t just enter any race (no money)


Most of my closet doesn’t fit


I belong to a gym but don’t go very often


I got braces put back on


Let’s change this –


The Glass is Half Full!

 I’m healthy


I have an amazing best friend


I have a lot of wonderful friends that support me


I have a great job, great boss and great co-workers


I’m over half way to getting my Architecture License


I have a roof over my head


My dog battled cancer and won – thanks Summit Vets!


My dog smiles or winks at me every day


My dad, brother, sister and extended family love me


I am able to turn lemons into lemonade


My jeans still fit


I rode a Harley on the 4th of July


I found an amazing therapist


My physician knows how to help me


I found a trainer at the gym who pushes me


I live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest were the weather is just right


Dash Point State park is right out my door and a great place to walk the dog


I found an amazing Weight Watchers Leader.


I’m going on a walk at lunch today in the sunshine (I have my sunscreen on)


I have a running club that always welcomes me back.


I have more running shoes than regular shoes


My apartment is mine, all mine (well, technically Darby-dog’s too)


I’m fixing my teeth/bite with braces and they were free (thanks Drs. Molen)


My finger nails are long (thanks to the braces)


I’m a cool Auntie to my nieces and nephew and tons of other kiddos!


I called a Real Estate Agent today to see if I can get a house (condo, someplace of my own).

slow and steady ramblings...

I’ve been missing lately – this blog helps me, so I’m coming back. Slow and steady is still the name and still the pace… I’m running but I’m having trouble just getting through the days so I need to write it down and start turning this ship around to the pretty blue waters! I read this website Marc and Angel and I’ve borrow some of their comments from today’s post titled ’10 Things to Tell Yourself Today’. After reading these you may come to understand where I’m at right now…



I am fighting hard for the things I want most. – The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives. The harder you have to fight for something, the more it will be worth to you once you achieve it. And the more pain you have to endure on your journey, the sweeter the arrival at your destination. Most great things don’t come easy, but they are worth waiting for and fighting for.

I am letting go of yesterday’s stress. – Sometimes the reason it’s so hard for us to be happy is simply because we refuse to let go of the things that make us upset. As the sun sets on this day, let it go. Leave behind the stress, the drama and the worries. Lay this day to rest. Tomorrow is about hope, new possibilities, and the opportunity to make a better day.


There is enough time today to do something I love. – Where did you leave your happiness? With an old lover? In city you once lived in? In a story you never finished writing? In a dream you gave up on? In a hope you got too weary to carry? Wherever you left it, go back and retrieve it. If you don’t remember where you left it, dedicate a little time today to doing something you love to do, and you will find your happiness somewhere nearby.


It’s not too late. – No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change and become a better version of yourself. Peace, strength and direction will come to you when you manage to tune out the noisy judgments of others, in an effort to better hear the soft and steady hum of your own inner strength. And once you hear it, you will realize that it’s not too late to be what you might have been.


From Marc and Angel – their website has brought me a lot of hope and insight… I just wish I could actually hear, use and be what I read sometimes…


http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/07/06/10-things-to-tell-yourself-today/

I'm coming back......

I'm getting ready to come back to my blog. I am still out here and making a go at my life, slow and steady.

There have been a lot of changes in my life lately so I think a complete re-vamp of the blog and a NEW 'About me' section will be in order.

Until I get to the launch I've attached a photo that says it all right now.

Keep on moving, slow and steady!
Jessica

Test post (and a really good day)

I'm testing my new iPhone app so that I can blog more often (and while I'm out and about).

Just a note about my good day, this morning I ran with my best friends, I appeared as an assistant Coach at the Team in Training Preview party, took a little nap and babysat my friends sleeping boys while they welcomed their new niece into the world - today was a good day!

More to come from Jessica, Slow and steady!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

why ? ?

WHY ????
1. Why do I sabotage myself?
2. Why do I deliberately make bad choices when no one is looking?
3. Why have I not run the month of December?
4. Why am I overwhelmed at work?
5. Why do I not designate time to study for my next test?
6. Why am I tired?
7. Why do my pants seem to keep shrinking?
8. Why can I not make my lunch?
9. Why do I go to be late and make getting up harder?
10. Why are my eyes blurry until 10am?
11. Why am I not more excited to be coaching Team in Training in January?
12. Why haven’t I registered for a race?
13. Why haven’t I ran a race since October 24th?
14. Why did I load the new iphone software and fail to run a backup and now have a blank phone (with new software)?
15. Why can’t I have a clean garage or shed?

Why…..

I know the answers (I think) but implementing them is hard…. I need to take control of my life, make small changes and they will lead me to what I am looking for – a happiness, a balance, a ‘I feel good’ feeling….

So here are some of my answers to my own questions above;
1. Self sabotage - because I’m sad, because I’m not in control

2. Deliberate bad choices - because I want the control, whether or not it is bad for me, no one can tell me what to do (I’m stubborn), and by no one seeing it, no one can judge it.

3. Lack of running - I don’t have any running mojo, maybe I was burnt out, and maybe my body needed some rest… I would like a stead fast running partner that I can talk to while running and that can encourage me to get out and move. I have lots of running friends, time to call in some favors…

4. Work - I feel overwhelmed at work because I am, I have a lot of work on my desk and all of my projects are in the same stage – so of course everyone needs everything right away. I need to delegate and prioritize the work, tell some people that it might be a day until their answer so that I can get one task complete, otherwise I’m a daily pinball machine.

5. Study time - I don’t designate time to study because I feel like I’m taking time away from my husband, by dog, my running (in the end I’m not getting studying, family time or running in…. Set aside some study time, maybe after a walk with the dog or at coffee with family.

6. Tired - I need to go to bed and sleep, not be restless (but sometimes I’m tired, but not really tired – restless mind, restless legs, but still tired), maybe running will make me physically tired so that I fall asleep faster. Bedtimes might need to be reinstated.

7. Small pants – duh, butt getting bigger and pants are the same size…. This one is a no-brainer.

8. Lunch – if I can’t find anything in the cupboard or fridge I just give up, if I would organize my groceries specific to my lunch would it make it easier? If so then DO IT!

9. Late to bed – see #6 answer – Bedtimes need to be reinstated! Brian needs a book light so I can sleep if he has his reading light on.

10. Blurry Eyes – See #6, #9 answers above – early morning workouts helped during the summer, I was able to spend blurry eye time working out and by the time I got to work I was invigorated (and not noticeable tired from working out).

11. TnT Coach – I should be totally jazzed to be a TnT Coach, our first practice is in January and we have a few info meetings before then. Maybe I’m not excited because I don’t feel worthy since I haven’t been running and my running clothes got smaller (see #7 above).

12. Upcoming races – why haven’t I registered for a race, dangle that carrot out there….. Barb from the Y-Run-Club mentioned running the Mercer Island Half Marathon in March, maybe I need to commit to that….

13. Race since October – the two races in October where really, really wet (I wore a poncho for the first and second time). That and Elinor has been concentrating on her family after dedicating so much time to her marathon training that I feel like I lost my best running partner. No excuse, I am a marathon maniac, get out there and run!

14. iphone – I am trying to be more tech savvy, but this one got me – I uploaded the new software and lost all of my contacts, photos, notes, layouts, everything. Still in the ‘no-way’ and ‘really?’ stage… still working to see if I can get the info back.

15. Garage/shed – I think this is everyone’s dream, but really, more crap keeps inching its way into the house and not enough is leaving. Does the New Year spur this need for clearing out in everyone? Make a donation box, a dump box and a sell on craigslist box and spend a few hours in there and get something done.

Slow and steady, working toward the positive goals with the answers that I have, that is all that I can do.... no resolutions here.... just life changing goals.

stepping away from the edge

ok, wow, can I go off on a torment or what? I guess I was near the edge last week...

I have taken that deep breath, redirected my thoughts and moved away from the edge. This past week I was on plan for eating and I was able to get six days of workouts in. My eating was not perfect, but I did stay within my Weight Watchers daily points and tried to incorporate more fruits and vegtables into my daily meals. Some days I got in amazing workouts (last nights spin class was amazing), some days I got in a 3 mile run, but I got myself out there six out of the seven days for some bit of real activity and it was really, really nice. Today after my speed workout on Ruston Way with Team in Training Coach Matt I weighed in at WW and was down one pound. I wanted it to be more, but hey, I was down a pound, better than up right? Nice photo of one pound of fat that I added - ok one pound is awesome, so much better than on my rear-end!!!!

So now here is what I am happy for (in bullet form - I have to sleep sometime...

• I ran at Chambers Bay with my best friend Elinor and Monica in the rain and it was fun!


• I will get fully paid for health care from my work next month (right now I have health care, but it is through hubby and his state job and with the way budget cuts are going I was getting a little scared).


• I get to run the North Olympic Discovery Marathon with Monica and Sydnee on Sunday and I can't wait!


• I lost one pound!!!


• I got in a lot of study time during the rainy weekend and I'm finding ways to incorporate it into my busy weekdays.


• I get to cheer on my Team in Training mentees on Saturday - they are doing their longest run - 2.5 hours for the half-marathoners and 4.5 hours for the full marathoners! I'll run some with them, but I'll be trying not to push it the day before a marathon.


• Getting back to blogging - I missed being able to have an outlet for all of this 'stuff' whirrling around in my head!


• Running speed intervals on June 2nd - National Running Day - how could I miss running on this day =)

I hope everyone has a great week and I'll try to get better photos for next week. I CAN do this, I CAN push harder, I CAN run farther, I CAN do this, I WILL!

help I'm floundering

help, I'm floundering in a weight gain hell.... someone, somewhere tell me I can do this! I'm letting everything eat away at me, everything in turn is getting eaten.... then I think how far I have to run to burn off that scone - then I just have a cookie at lunch and pass off the run to another day... erggg, aggggg, grrrrr - the cycle then repeats.....

I'm running the North Olympic Discovery Marathon on June 6th with a bunch of gal pals from the y-run club - to say I'm excited is not enough. I just need to get there.

I made it through a rough year, why am I screwing it up now?

Elinor has started running - I ran with her on Sunday, she is going great - and to think little Mr. is only 2 months old. Crap, if she can do it then why can't I?

I finished my outside project at work and I even signed up for my first architecture test - but I need something bigger! What about a trail marathon? What about a vacation? What about the bathroom painted a different color? See what I mean, I'm floundering!!!!!

off to watch the biggest loser - hopefully it will encourage me and not depress me......

update .... activity .... and rambling

I've been trying to sit down to write this blog all week... and something just keeps getting in the way. My goal was to post once a week and now I feel like I'm already behind. Guess the best I can do is start again here and forgive myself (how come that is what I feel like I'm always doing). Anyway.... I started the new year off on the right foot and the left foot and I repeated that for 26.2 miles at the First Call Marathon in Bothell on the first. It was a gloomy, cloudy, misty, rainy day, but I wanted to be there when Michelle crossed the finish line of her 52nd marathon before she turned 52! What an amazing goal and accomplishment - it is really great to see someone set a goal and accomplish it! Go read her blog and give here a kudos!. After the marathon on Friday I was expecting to take it easy for the weekend - ha! I met up with the Y-Run Club on Saturday morning, I was going to walk and then join everyone for coffee after. But I was talking with Monica and I just kinda started running and then it was 4.25 miles later and we were back at the YMCA - this was the first time I had ran the morning after a marathon. I was a little sore from the 26.2, but the short, slow run seemed to flush out my muscles and by Sunday I was like new (hey Michelle I think it worked)!

Saturday afternoon I met up with Jenny, Monica, Michelle, Elaine, Laurie, Lori, Sonya and others to tie blue ribbons on the South Tacoma Way overpass in honor of all of the fallen officers from Lakewood Police Department and Pierce County Sherrifs Office, then we went to the Lakewood Forza Coffee to gather and remember the fallen. It was special time and it was nice to share it with people who have such sincere good intentions and who just wanted to do something to remember the sacrifices these men and women made. It was a really special afternoon.

Sunday I went for a walk with Brian and Darby and got ready for the 'long' regular work week ahead. Monday night I tried to make it to spin class, but got stuck in terrible traffic so I walked on the treadmill and did the excercise bike - it was good, but not nearly as good of a sweat as the spin class. Tuesday I didn't feel like running at all, but I promised Darby that I would take her for a run, so I put my running clothes on and we hit the road. We ran from Emerald Ridge High School, up the hill and to Sunrise and back for 3 miles or so. It wasn't my best run ever, but I got out there and Darby kept my spirits high - dogs are just always happy!

Wednesday night I made it to spin class and made it into my 'last chance workout' ala The Biggest Loser. I worked really, really hard and made the workout count - I kept repeating 'I am strong' 'I am strong'. After the spin class I made it to my Weight Watchers meeting and I rocked the scale! I tracked all week and I was very active and it showed on the scale - I lost 3.6 lbs!!!! So far this week I haven't been as active, but I have still been tracking and I still have a few days to get a lot of activity in!

Today I made it to little Mr. Owen's first birthday party. I was really nice to see everyone get together and celebrate the little Dude's day. I got him a kiddo soccer ball and net, I think he'll be playing before he knows it. I even skipped the cake - ahh the will-power!

Sunday I'm going to run with the Y-Run Club at Point Defiance and get ready for another busy work week ahead - If last week was any indicator I'm in for a duezzy. Oh yeah, I have to get signed up for Haulin' Aspen marathon in Bend in August.

Upcoming races: Pigtails Flat Ass 50k (31 miles) on January 23. West Seattle Fat Ass (50k) on February 7th. I need to make some decisions on races in March - PacRim, Yakima Marathon - guess I'll need to get moving on my schedule....

slow and steady!

Run macha run!

a fresh start

isn't that what a new year is all about? a fresh start.... this past year has been memorable for the good and the bad - I am ready to start fresh!
Here are my proclamations - my goals - my accomplishments - my pats on the back

1. I've completed 6 marathons, 4 half-marathons, 1 50k and multiple 'fun' runs.
2. I want to run a lot in 2010 - I mean A LOT!
3. I have been diagnosed with cancer, survived surgery and I am now a survivor.
4. I have raised $4600 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
5. I am 16 hours away from completing my architectural internship development program.
6. I've been a running buddy for Girls on the Run and I got my sister, niece and nephew to compete in their first 5k.
7. In 2010 I plan to start taking my architecture licensing tests and make a plan to complete them.
8. I plan to be a better wife, friend, aunt, sister, daughter, running partner and person.
9. A better blogger - once a week - that can be a good goal - every post after that will be gravy.

I'm sure there is much more, but this is a fresh start to the blog - a re-birth for 2010! Stay posted, I have a lot that I haven't shared yet!

Here is to a fresh start!

Three of Three....

THREE – Diagnosed with Cancer and Conquered Cancer!

A little history here: in February my brother-in-law was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He is currently going through bi-weekly chemotherapy treatments and the scans are showing that it is helping rid his body of cancer. In March, my mom called me and told me that she had an abnormal spot on her upper arm and it was diagnosed as basal cell carcinoma (a very common form of skin cancer). She is a very strong woman and dealt with it all very well, even noting that the hardest part was the sores she was getting from the band-aids. This surely upset my sister and much as it did me, so I scheduled myself for a full body mole check at my determatologist.

On March 31st the determatologist removed a mole (that I have all of my life on my lower right shin) in order to perform a biopsy right then and there at the first ‘scan’ appointment (the photo is after the biopsy healed and before the surgery). Meanwhile, I was wondering if it would hurt at all when I ran the following Saturday – my second Yakima River Canyon Marathon – guess you could say that I wasn’t too worried (especially since the biopsy three years ago was benign)! Well, much to my surprise, the doc’s office called a week later and told me that the test showed that I had melanoma skin cancer (don’t go and google quite yet, ‘cause those sites will scare the crap out of you). I went through some pretty insane emotions – it is hard to hear that you are sick when you don’t feel sick. I continued on to a full work day after I got the news (I didn’t know what else to do). I had a lot of appointments to get me ready for surgery – yes, in order to get rid of my melanoma they had to perform a wide excision of a 2-1/2” diameter circle of skin from my shin (i'll spare you those photos - only a handful have seen the surgery site - it will still be a few months with compression before it can be exposed - also note my stripped sock in later photos).

Melanoma is no skin cancer to mess around with, it is the most deadly form of skin cancer and only 4% of skin cancers diagnosed are melanoma. In order to get my shin to heal they had to close the area with a skin graft from my tummy (and no it didn’t act as a tummy tuck, even though that wouldn’t have been so bad). The surgeons also had to do a sentinel node biopsy to make sure the cancer had not spread, another opening in my upper right thigh. My surgery was on May 6th and I was on bed rest, with my leg elevated at all times for 3 weeks with crutches and wheelchair transportation.

We received the wonderful news on May 14th that the cancer did not spread into my lymph nodes and that the wide excision removed all of the melanoma cells (even though they had began to spread). It was a very topsy-turvy month for me – yes, just about a month from diagnosis to the ‘all clear’ – which makes me a very happy cancer SURVIVOR! I am very grateful for so many things; my amazing husband (and caretaker), my family, my friends, my kitten and puppy, my doctors, science, faith, even sunshine (because even with it I got sick, but without it, my flowers would never grow).

Looking ahead, I had to postpone my Team in Training marathon in Anchorage, but instead will get to run the Nike Women’s Marathon in October in San Francisco (I will even wear flowers in my hair)! I am ready to get back on my feet and make a difference! I would like each and everyone one of you to realize how grateful we all are and to go and get yourself checked out by a dermatologist. It is really easy, and as I am now fully aware, a life-saving appointment. Oh yeah, and use sunscreen!

I have started running and on Sunday the 21st of June I ran my first 5k – the LIVESTRONG Challenge in Seattle (brian even ran the 5k with me). I cried when I crossed the survivor finish line and they handed me a yellow rose – the last time I cried crossing the finish line was my first marathon – and I guess you could say that this really was my first ‘marathon’ since the surgery. My life is slowly making it’s way back to normal and I still have days that I am down and days that everything hurts or I feel crappy, but mostly I am happy to be alive, healthy and moving!

Thanks to everyone who has gotten me through this tough time!

One, Two, Three – and on to many more……

Part Two of Three

TWO – Tacoma City Marathon (a new PR) – Complete!
OK, I’m not going to get to a full report – I have too much going on… here is the quick version. April sucked – I got life changing news – see next post. I trudged along and ran a couple of times. I opted for the early start at the Tacoma City Marathon – 6am is really early! I ran the entire way with Michelle and Jenny – we talked, laughed, ran in silence and made it across the finish line.

My agenda was to run hard and wear myself out and be active (again see next post). I crossed the finish line in 5:38:28 which was a new PR! This photo after the run says it all – what a group we are and a group that I am proud and happy to be a part of!

How good do we look after running 26.2 miles! Up next - Michelle's Grande Ass Marathon!

Part One of Three....

Ok guys and gals – there are three long posts here, after reading post three you’ll understand where I got all of the time to write!

Here is a preview:
ONE – Yakima Canyon River Marathon – Complete!
TWO – Tacoma City Marathon (a new PR) – Complete!
THREE – Diagnosed with Cancer and conquered Cancer – Complete!

One – Yakima City River Marathon
Taking a half day from work on Friday, I checked the pass report and raced to the mountain pass. It was April 3rd and I had to rush to beat the pass closing for avalanche control (yes in April I had to worry about snow on the pass). I beat the road closing and ran into a huge traffic jam – I was in the middle of the mountain pass, three lanes of traffic wide and we were rolling… I could run faster (I was really frustrated). Anyway, I made it over in time to pick up my race packet and get settled for my FIRST ever Marathon Maniac Reunion Meeting. It was amazing being in a room with 40-60 other runners that have the same running addiction. A lot of the Puyallup Y-Club runners were there and we took up a full row in the room. The lovely race director Lenore Dolphin called out each of our names and handed us a YCRM mug and we were able to say our names, MM status,etc. Eric made sure that we all made mention that we were from “Puy-allup,” we had a lot of fun. I remembered why I love this group of runners so much, we are all one big happy family! I even won a Marathon Maniac car flag for being the ‘newest’ maniac at the reunion.

A group of us headed to the Olive Garden for dinner. I prepared myself and looked up meals online that would still fit into my weight watchers plan. After dinner I stopped at a local grocery and got a few more supplies and cold water (oh yeah and my new tradition – a slice of cheesecake). I made it back to the hotel, organized my stuff and settled down for a quick nights sleep. The morning rolled around really fast – I made a microwave breakfast sandwich and headed to Starbuck for a quick Skinny, Cinnamon Dolce Latte. We had to catch the shuttle buses in Selah at 6:00 am, so I had plenty of time to wake up. With two hours to the start I was getting a little nervous, which is weird, this would be my fifth marathon – I was pro at this. I think my nerves were from having time before the start. At the small (30 people) runs, you get out of your car and go – although the time allows you to really get ready and make sure you are prepared. The race directors have a box of ‘drop’ clothes at the expo, so I picked up a sweatshirt from the box so I had an extra layer at the start.

The start was chilly, maybe mid to high 30’s. Clear skies and a promise of a great run. I started off with Michelle and I planned on finishing the day with her (she had just finished her first 100k, two weeks before – she is my hero). We settled into a great pace of 4 minutes run with a 1 minute walk break. Heading into the canyon we started up the first little incline, this canyon run is mostly downhill, but it has some major hills at about half way and then again about mile 22. Last year, this was my first marathon and I struggled through the canyon, I really worked hard this past year to make sure that I could have a wonderful second chance at the canyon. It worked, I lost about 30 pounds and I worked on my pace by running with others that were just slightly faster than my usual pace. I also made a conscious effort to rest for a couple of weeks before the run. The mileage, training and weight loss were in the bag – I needed the rest to make sure that I would perform at my best. Michelle and I chatted along the way, and at one point we heard a lot of birds chirping, we looked up to the canyon rock wall and noticed all of their nests right there within the rock face. These are the things that I really enjoy when I run; the conversation, the observations, amazing nature, connecting in so many ways.

We finally were able to make a pit stop at about mile 13, we didn’t want to have to wait in a line – guess we should have told the lady who was in there when we pulled up…. At this point I was feeling good, I had shed my coat and was running in capris, a tech shirt with my marathon maniac singlet on top. My pack was full of snacks; rice crispy treats, shot blocks, jelly beans, GU, but I forgot my cinnamon bagel and pretzels. The bagel and pretzels usually help ‘fill’ my stomach during a run and they seem to help soak up all of the sugar so I don’t get queasy, I did alright anyway. My feet were holding up well, last year I changed my socks at mile 13 and the insides of my heels were huge blisters, I’ve learned a lot in the past year. Body glide and lots of it on my feet helped me out, that and some memory foam insoles from Route 16 Running and Walking – Miguel has been my lifesaver.

Michelle and I made it up the huge mile long hill at the half-way point – we would pick a spot on the guardrail and run to it, then walk and run to another point. We made it and kept moving. I was feeling strong and felt like I had more in my tank, but I was really enjoying my time running with Michelle. We just talked away the day and I really helped mentally to have someone to run with in the canyon. Last year I felt really lonely in the canyon – but I needed that time alone to reflect and make some serious changes.

At the top of the last major hill there was a sign that said 3.7 miles left. Michelle looked at her watch and told me that I had about 30 minutes to get to the finish…. So I took off. Literally, I took off and started doing sub-ten minute miles – this was big for me, my usual pace is 12+ minute miles and at mile 23 in a marathon I picked up my pace and I couldn’t have been happier! I wish I could capture that feeling and breath in right now. Ok, so you’re asking, why such a big deal to get to the finish – Well, last year I finished the marathon in 6 hours and 39 minutes and I was on pace to finish in 5 hours and 38 minutes – a full hour and a minute faster. I really pushed myself to the finish and smiled as I crossed the finish line – 5 hours 45 minutes. I almost made it! And in my mind I did make it, this run was not about the number, but about feeling like I could do anything and I got that feeling. I ran with a friend for over 5 hours and I was able to pick up my pace at the end of a marathon! I had an amazing run and the feelings of finishing all rushed to me as I grabbed a bottle of water and sat down with the rest of the Y-club runners. I did it, I conquered the canyon again – this time I won!

A long overdue update:

It’s been while – a lot has been happening with us the past few months.

Team in Training has been keeping me really busy and I have been doing a great job running every Saturday morning with the group and my fundraising is moving right along – thank you to all of my friends, family, colleagues who have supported me so far!

We received some horrible new in mid-February, my sister found out that her husband has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma – the same week that I sent out my first letters for Team in Training which supports The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society – that is irony. Justin went to the doctor because he just wasn’t getting over the symptoms of the flu. They did a biopsy and by the end of the week they had the news. My sister is dealing with it quite well, my mom says she is more organized than ever. The entire family has been helping in whatever capacity they can, some babysit so Justin can rest, others take care of some of the bills, and others run for a cure (that’s me – I also babysat all three kids one day). So my involvement with Team in Training has now become very personal. Justin has started his chemotherapy and will continue treatment every two weeks for six months. His kids are ok, the oldest is 3-1/2 so they don’t really understand, they just know that daddy goes to the doctor to try and get better. My sister is working as much as possible to keep some income coming in (and I’m sure it is somewhat of an escape for a few hours each day).

In some wonderful news we found out that Brian’s sister is pregnant and is going to have a baby lovebug in August. They are having a little boy and Brian is excited because he can teach the little guy how to ski (and pester his mom). I am excited to meet the little guy!

On the running front I am getting ready for the Yakima River Canyon Marathon on April 4th. Last year this was my very first marathon – this year I am totally ready! I have four marathons and one 50k under my belt, and I’m a marathon maniac – I am ready! Oh yeah, my belt this year is going to be holding up my pants ‘cause I’m 30 pounds lighter than last year – I can’t wait to run fast through the canyon!

TNT weekly update and some running highlights from the past few months:

Week 1 - 1/31 Vasault Park – first run since my 50k the weekend before. Felt good to get out and run, even better to only run a short distance.

Week 2 - 2/7 Cushman trail in Gig Harbor. Shoe Clinic, I finally have insoles that work and the blisters are gone! Seriously all it took was some new insoles – everyone should go and see Miguel and SR 16 Run/Walk – he knows his shiz!

Week 3 - 2/14 Sand Dunes with brother and dad, I did not do any running, but man I rode that 4-wheeler like it was going out of style – upon our return home on Sunday the 15th we received the sad news that about my brother-in-law.

Week 4 - 2/21 We celebrated Brian’s Birthday in Cannon Beach. I ran 60 min. through town and some on the beach into the wind and rain. I was amazed that I could enjoy site-seeing so much – this is definitely the way I want to spend vacations from now on! We also hiked about 3 miles at Ecola State Park and rocked the trail – maybe I should try some trail running!

Week 5 - 2/28 Orting, Foothills Trail 8 miles – it was a nice flat run.
Week 6 - 3/7 ran from Vasault Park to Wright Park for a total of 12 miles.
Week 7 - 3/14 ran from Vasault Park to Wright Park for a total of 10 miles in the miserable rain. Then finished 3.1 more at Rogers park near my house – it was brutal starting back up after getting warm – at least the sun came out for my second run. I also signed up to be on the National Bone Barrow Registry.

Week 8 - 3/21 – we ran from Vasault Park for 7 miles – it was foggy, but not raining! I finished it off with 13 miles at the Pac Rim (a 24-hr fun run) with Michelle, Jenny and Abi. – Those girls are amazing. Steve, Rob & Jamal also did amazing jobs – maybe next year I’ll take a stab at it. After I finished my miles I whipped up some pancakes and made some grilled cheese for the group. Even in the weee hours they were munching on the grilled cheese!

I will be getting ready for Yakima this week and I can’t wait for 8am on Saturday morning – when I will conquer that canyon!

Here is my photo from last year - yikes - I did carry that 200lbs down the canyon....

Keep on running!

50k is how far?

I did it, my first 'ultra' - I ran a 50k on Saturday morning! That is 31 miles. I ran 31 miles. I ran 31 miles. I ran 31 miles. I still don't believe it. Saturday morning was the Pigtails 50k around Lake Youngs in Renton. I made it to the early start and ran the entire way with Michelle and we finished in 7 hours 2o minutes. The first lap around the lake (it sounds so short, but was around 9.6 miles) we had a fairly large group, which was really nice because we started at 6:30 and ran with headlamps - who is this writing... I woke up early on a Saturday and started running at 6:30 am. We ran three loops around the lake, which is the Seattle watershed and then a short out and back with a huge hill to the finish. I am sore today and my giganto blister has been deflated and is doing fine, I am also still really tired today. Through all of this I am super proud of myself. I did it! And now on to bigger and better things!

Anyway this is a short and sweet post as I have some running fundraising to start. I've been thinking about this whole running thing lately and that while it has been amazing and life changing for me, there are surely others out there that I could help while running, so I joined Team in Training last week and I have been reviewing all of my information and getting ready to get some flyers out to everyone I know. It is a really great organization with 75% of the fundraising going toward research serving patients and families that are affected by blood cancer. Thankfully I have not had first hand experience with blood cancer, but I strongly believe in research and supporting a group that furthers that work. So that being said, take a look at my fundraising page and help if you can. I will be working on fun ways to raise money and posting them here - if anyone has any ideas, I'm game.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/wa/anchor09/jwillia6im

Also, please become a blood donor. It is easy, doesn't hurt and hey, what a way to instantly loose a pound. I've been donating every six weeks for over a year (that's over a gallon donated)http://www.cascadebloodcenters.org/home/index.htm