Where do I start – life has sure been challenging, rewarding, amazing, hard and well…. it’s been L-I-F-E. I’ll share about what has been going on as it has all been having an effect on where I am now and why I’ve started writing again. My wonderful best friend said to me earlier today in a doctor’s office waiting room “you’re whole life looks like it’s in that notebook – writing it all down helps you keep it straight doesn't it?!” or something like that – it hit me – when life is spiraling out of control I tend to write it down – so I can remember what’s going on and so I can look back at it when I don’t remember what medicine I’ve taken or when my MRI was or which doctor I saw last week. I write it down so that I can feel some control over what has been some very unsettling time for me. During my therapy session today I talked about how my eating has become purely emotional and that I have been eating – “because I just want to, or because I deserve it” (in the best teenage girl defiant voice ever). So the plan I (we) came up with is to go to Weight Watchers and find someone – a fellow member or my leader to work with one on one so that I can get my head back in the game. I reached out to the WW facebook group today to see if someone will look over my food tracker at the Friday Meeting – then I know my food journal will be looked at then hopefully I’ll keep writing in it for more than a day (I tend to do good for a day or two – sometimes even a whole week and then I drop off the map). So that’s the plan to try and get my eating from out of control back to eating to be healthy. Even if I can't exercise I can at least control what goes in my mouth. My therapist also made a great statement - the doctors are doing their best to help me get better - they are putting tools in the box - what am I going to put in the box to help myself? So I've got to do my part - I'm going to get back on board and help myself.
A bit of back story
Some of my eating/health/weight issues are stemming from the fact that I am having a very hard time exercising – due to a herniated disk in my lower back and degenerative disk disease in my lowest lumbar region. Sounds scary and it is. It’s been since March 12th that I went to my first chiropractic appointment – it’s been a whirlwind since – doctors, chiropractors, physical therapist, family doctor, three surgeons, therapist…. To figure out how to fix this… today I got an epidural steroid shot in my lumbar region – a last gasp to try and avoid surgery and help the pain so that I can try and get moving again. So far all I feel is the continued numbness in my left foot, tigling in my calf and some numbness in the back of my thigh. I can only walk a block and then a horrible shooting pain goes up my leg into a tight spot in my buttock. Standing upright is almost impossible and it just plain always hurts. I had my fingers crossed during the whole injection, hoping that it helps relieve some of the pain so that I can at least start walking again - if I can't run for a bit thats ok - I just want to be able to walk - please, just a nice walk....
This is just the tip of the iceberg and there is so much to tell, to work through and to get figured out but I had to start somewhere – here is to taking the first step in the right direction.